for all your support glad I could spark some conversations too

SARAH - nice to meet you too!

Hey Nic,

Hope you're feeling a bit better today!!

I think Sarah has offered a valuable insight into being the spouse of a fibro sufferer - and hopefully she may have put your mind at rest a little.

I had the beginnings of my fibro symptoms for 2 years when I married my (now ex) husband. It was all being investigated and took years before I got a dx. But he was never interested or sympathetic BEFORE I started with symptoms, so his lack of affection/understanding etc was no shock when I did finally get a dx! But, as I say, he was like that when I met him, not as a result of having fibro.

Soon after my ex finally left, I met my current partner. I told him from the start about the fibro, but at the time it had gone into a sort of remission. He has watched me become worse and more ill in the last 3 years, but he still wants to marry me. Yes, he gets days when I could strangle him for 'not getting' this DD, but in general, he is very understanding and very supportive.

The thing here also is, Steve has had 2 strokes, both bad ones and both before I met him. He still has long-term after effects (his memory is shot, he has stiffness and pain down his right side etc) but I knew this when we first met. It has never changed how I feel about him, and I still want to marry him.

Yes, there have been the comments, the eye rolling, the lack of understanding and compassion from both our families, directed at both of us. But we now don't tell anyone how we are, there is no point! If one of us is is having a perticularly bad day, and we're shuffling along as stiff as a board, these family members will make a comment about how bad we are and we should try to look after ourselves or whatever - it's only on these days that there is a slight understanding and compassion shown.

at the end of the day, if your husband didn't love the person you are, he wouldn't be with you now. You are still the perosn he married, although your body may not be! try to ignore the comments made by others, you do not need to explain yourself to anyone! Make sure to spend some quality special time with your husband, sitting in and watching a good movie together is enough! Cherish what you have, many do not have this. But above all, try to have more faith in yourself - you are human, you are wanted, and you are very much loved!

Dear Nicolet,
The responses have been wonderful and I agree with them all.
Love, Lin

I am feeling much better thank you. I should have known you all would help me to really put things into prospective this is something that I won't let drive me insane anymore. I hope over time it will stop bothering me at all. I just want to thank you all for taking the time to offer your encouraging words.

Hi Nicole-

Sorry I'm weighing in so late, but just remember how much you and DH have already been through (especially the neighbor issues!). You're both still in love with each other and that's what is important, not what his mom says.

Hang in there and remember that you're not alone!

Wow sara, when it comes to making us feel better about feeling like a burden, sad because we can't do the things we used to do with our mates, YOU R THE TOPS............

Mel has told me the same exact thing, yes he does get frustrated but not at me, but at what this has done 2 me.

nic, I feel so much 4 you. I know that most of us here have gone though the same thing at one time or another.

I can't add anything more about how your husband must love you or he would not be there, so remember that. He married you out of love & he has stayed with you out of love. ((((((( s )))))))

I was in the same situation with my hubbies relatives as well. His mother was the worse, married son's of my own, I know that sometimes I feel that my son's r taken advantage of, so the way I look at it, when I started getting too sick, everyone knew me much better than that, I have been with my hubby for over 45yrs & have known his entire family just as long. I think that ws what hurt me the most, they should have known better.

Sometimes things have a way of working out in the weirdest ways. We r very private because of all the gossiping that takes place with the family. So when hubby couldn't take me to my lawyer my in laws did.

She insisted on going in to talk with my lawyer because she knew I would forget what I was told the min. I left his office & she wanted to be able to relate what was said to hubby. When she heard some of the things that were writen on my medical report to my lawyer, she just sat there with tears rolling down her face.

The 1 thing that I didn't want to do, letter her know my business was the very thing that helped our relationship the most. She is more considerate & is here anytime I happen to need her. GO FIGURE.......

I hope that maybe your hubby will start to notice how u r made to feel eventhough sometimes they don't behave like that in front of them. However I think that if he was aware of the snide remarks that r directed at u, or the constant badgering about doing things that they already know u can't, he will step in on your behalf.

When it is said by thier own children sometimes has a bigger impact on them, especially if they realize that they are hurting him by the way they treat u as well.

I hope that something happens to open up thier eyes & instead of being emotional vampires & toxic 2 you, they can be a bit more supportive, caring & even offer to help u in small ways that most people would take 4 granted but us, like if they r going out, maybe calling u 2 c if u need something or if u happen to feel well enought to go out. Little things like that goes a very long way.............

Hang in there & let's hope it gets better 4 u.

TCOYS & here is WUAB&LPD
BOO